A heartbreak

 

I've been living in my parents' house for a week, I still haven't gotten used to it, I've been living alone for 13 years, my parents have done their best not to make me feel strange in my own home. I've had good and bad days, mainly because I start thinking about the relationship I left but I've been reading about Stoicism and I've seen many videos about leaving relationships that don't suit us, every time I get sad I start thinking about the "bad" things in the relationship and then there we go little by little. I have continued writing, reading and trying to study, it has not been easy but I have a feeling that this week I will be better.

The penultimate time I spoke with my ex, he lent me a pillow because I was supposed to stay in the apartment that day (my friends wouldn't let me), that Friday I blocked him from my cell phone because I found out that the day before he had gone out to party and the truth was difficult for me to accept that, so I preferred not to have any kind of contact with him. I moved in on Saturday morning, I didn't say goodbye to him for obvious reasons. On Sunday he called me around 11 o'clock to ask me where I had moved and for the same obvious reasons I didn't tell him either... After that we haven't heard from each other and I honestly think it's for the best, I'm not going to tell you much about the last conversation we had about our relationship because they would only know my version but what I can guarantee is that they told me quite painful things and for that reason I decided not to continue there.

I have been grateful every day for being able to get up at the time I want, I have been getting up at 7-8-9 every day for more than a year, it did not matter if it was my day off (I don't know if that sounds like a person without "real" problems, but for me it was quite tiring to go to bed late every day and have to get up "early", especially with the sleep problems I have). Some days I have cried, I have felt bad and a low grade but I also recover, I have even set times to cry because I am not going to allow myself to get sick for someone else and even less if they do not deserve it.

I have been talking with squirrel (the love of my life who has another love of his life) and I find it so funny how things change with time, I remember that the hard season of my life started after a party and when we finished. Now we are friends, he told me that he is going to have a baby and I am very happy for him because he always wanted to be a father, I think he will do an excellent job in that regard.

My stuff has not arrived, nor have they given me a reason, my life is in 10 boxes, a desk, a bed and a television. So I haven't done a book review yet (I hope I can do it one day, I hope my stuff arrives :s).

I was thinking the other day about staying single for a year (a friend once did it) at that time I didn't see much point in what he was doing, in fact I only remember that once he had s** and she didn't call him back and for him that was surprising, we were young but not that much lol. Being honest, I am somewhat afraid of being single, I have noticed that I am very afraid of being with myself (sounds strange?) It is as if I am afraid of facing life on my own and to fulfill the dreams that I have in my mind Well, I have to be able to do that, because at first I won't be accompanied. My friend after the bachelor year said that the woman he would have a relationship with would be his wife (something I didn't understand either, that is, how do people say and make decisions like that?), and indeed he did, it's as if he had a itinerary to achieve the goals in his life. I honestly don't want to do this thinking that after a year I'm going to find the person with whom I'll share the rest of my life, because to be honest love has left me tasteless, but what I want is to have time for myself, for me emotional and personal growth, so let's see how we do in this process, I decided to choose November 21^st as the date on which I will celebrate my singleness this year.

And finally, I am completing 11 months without drinking a drop of liquor, it has been a long and complicated process in many ways, especially in the social aspect, but it is a decision that I made because I wanted to feel better, it is one of the decisions that I've taken and I've held because I love myself. It is one of the greatest proofs of love that I have done in my life.

If you want to support me in any way, here's my new PayPal: cavc0424@gmail.com

A hug from this tropical paradise called Colombia.