A picture

Hello,

It's 12:31 AM in the morning, I was finishing an exercise in an Excel course that I'm doing, you know what they say, there are three things you must learn in life: English, Excel and being alone. One of the three activities of the last module was finished, while The Strokes plays in the background, later today I have to do an evaluation and a video with my groupmates (no, I don't have groupmates :/, I found out about that little detail about two days ago).

After I finish doing that, I have to do a Digital Marketing job, which is also like my final job (no, it's not for me), for which I have until August 5th.

These days things have been going around in my head like: What would my life have been like if I hadn't had depression and anxiety, where would I be?; All of this started going through my head because I saw the photo of my first boyfriend, who is in Denmark doing a PhD and is having a baby (the baby thing wouldn't have happened, but haha ​​we get the point); What would have been of my life if that time he looked me up and told me to go to Australia together (he had different plans then), I had taken him seriously and my anxiety/depression had not made me believe that I was not able to achieve it?

I still can't understand if he still loves me, although he has told me things that have always made me think that I occupy a place in his heart, when he got married he told me and named a series of things that his wife and I shared, at some point, I had to tell him: do you realize that you are not marrying me, but someone who shares some similarities with me? Two years ago he came to the country and asked me to see each other, he told me that he was not going to tell his wife that we were going to meet but that he wanted to talk to me again, to meet one more time, that time I said no, simply because I didn't like the idea of ​​having to hide things from someone else and also I was with Volde and I felt that seeing me with my ex was not fair in the type of relationship we had.

Whenever my ex and I saw each other, he made it clear to everyone that I was his wife and in fact many friends we share have always told me that they thought he and I would end up together (marrying and living together). That being the case, a single photo made me think about all these things, I love that man very much, I admire him and he is a person that I know I can see at any point in my life and it would feel as if time had never passed, I can be that smiling 19 year old girl again. Sometimes I've dreamed of him, I see us being teenagers and having fun, or I see us in our 50s meeting again and talking about the children he's had, it's always a nice feeling to dream of him, it reminds me of when I was 20 and I felt invincible and happy.

I have to go now, I have to sleep I have to be awake in 6 hours and a half. Do not forget that you have yourselves and I hope you are very well in this new month that is beginning. Greetings from this tropical paradise called Colombia. Random photo of a bar where I was with friends many years ago, I chose it at random, curious that it talks about marriage, but No, I'm not a fortune hunter, I like to take photos of curious or funny messages.

If you want to support me in any way, here's my new PayPal: cavc0424@gmail.com