One year being single!

Hello Hello,

You can't imagine how much I wanted to make this entry, however I was postponing it because I wanted to live this month to the fullest, I wanted to closely observe the person I became after a year. ON NOVEMBER 6th, I COMPLETED ONE YEAR OF BEING SINGLE (you may wonder how I know that a year has passed, because my beautiful cell phone reminded me by showing me the photo of what I was doing that day a year ago), remember when I wrote to you that I was going to take a break from relationships, well, here we are a year later. And yes, I survived and I feel stronger than ever.

In my imagination I was going to celebrate that day, going to eat something I liked in a nice place, the truth is that I bought a repolla (a kind of modified cupcake, which inside has half arequipe, half chantilly, with chocolate on top and a little more chantilly). With real coffee (because now I can have caffeine, occasionally, but I can :D)

It's been a very interesting year since I've been single because I've learned many things about myself and interpersonal relationships. The truth is that a few years ago I couldn't contemplate the idea of being alone, because to be honest and after almost two years of therapy, I was looking to fill voids with people and substances that weren't recommended for health, such as alcohol and many more that weren't recommended. We will talk in this blog, not for now :).

In these months I've had the opportunity to go out, meet people, observe people in their relationships and most importantly, I've been able to get to know who I am being alone. At first, the sadness of the breakup didn't let me appreciate the good things that were happening to me, because even though I had "finished" an important stage of my life (I had ended a relationship, however, it was the moment in which I began to take care of myself and have myself as a priority), around me and without consciously wanting to do so, many things were coming into order in my life.

In that time of sadness, I finally gave myself the time and space to heal a love wound, to face the reality of a breakup and realize that it is not as tragic as I had imagined it would be. I accepted that that person (who, although not a bad human being in general terms, or at least the person I met), wasn't a good element in my life. I was able to break down and try to understand the aspects in my life that made me want to maintain relationships that hurt me.

Listening: Indira Paganotto-Tomorrowland 2023.

I understood that many times I tried to escape from my feelings and that when I tried to live them they could dominate me and drag me down very easily. I identified the silences as terrifying moments, because before the medication there was no silence in my mind, because my anxiety didn't leave me alone, bombarding me with catastrophic ideas and when I was finally able to be silent, I was terrified of not knowing what to do with myself because I immediately felt I didn't know me and that there were hundreds of questions that he didn't know how to answer. The first few months, I tried to ignore the questions with music, programs or books.

Until the day came when I decided to stop running away. And I consciously remained silent, answering the questions that little by little were appearing and analyzing with the greatest objectivity, things that I had previously ignored. Now I can be silent and I even give myself minutes in which I want to face my thoughts and in which I enjoy the calm and what my mind has to tell me.

I've done many things this year that I would not have been able to do if I had continued in that relationship, I changed cities, I started from scratch, I started to build my little house (I'm still in debt but here we go), I am an emotionally independent person, I have given priority to my family (my parents), I have been able to stop taking medications, I have stopped substances that were not good for me, I have strengthened the friendships I have with my friends, I have met people who have contributed to my life, I have fully worked on my self-esteem and the dreams that I want to fulfill. I have been able to feel happiness on my own, I have accomplished things that I had in mind, and I continue to look for ways in which I can grow intellectually and spiritually.

One of my greatest achievements in terms of feelings is that I STOPPED ROMANTIZING WITH THE MINIMUM EFFORT and I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN ROMANTIC LOVE. With just those two things my perspective on love and people's intentions have changed drastically and have allowed me to make better decisions regarding the people who have wanted me this year (the truth is I had such low self-esteem that I thought no one would to flirt with me again, but you see that wasn't like that either).

One last clarification, the fact that I am single does not mean that I don't miss things about having a relationship, that would be blatantly lying, I would say that among the things I miss are: Sundays of cuddle, dividing things at home, language unique to each relationship, the inside jokes, the complicity and the lies hahaha (not lies, a little humor to tone down the corniness xD). The good thing is that you don't require any of that to lead a full life, so there will be moments when you think about it and then move on with your life.

For those who have recently had their hearts broken or who decided to end a relationship because it was the best for both of them, COME ON, YES YOU CAN!

Parish notices: remember that I have been reading a book for about 6 months, ahahaha, so I tell you that I have been able to advance considerably: The revolutionary Pepe Mujica 440/673.

On Nov 30th I'm going to go to the city where I lived for 14 years (yes that's where my friends and Volde are hahaha), I'm going to visit my friends and officially say goodbye to the city, when I left I went out the door Back, I'm going to say goodbye like the queen that I am.

I don't feel any more for today, I wish you the best in the world, remember that you have yourselves and that is what matters most. A hug from this tropical paradise called Colombia.

Our IG: @pedacitosdeme

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